


I'll Play the Fool Instead

by moon1ightknight



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Also the CEO sucks, And it causes drama, Angst, But it takes him a long time to realize it, DaeSoo if you squint, Ice Cream Dates, Insomnia, M/M, Minsoo is an idiot, Minsoo is angsty, Minsoo is crushing, Minsoo resents his brother, Not edited or beta'd, Perceived Betrayal, Secret Relationships, There's another Wyld scandal, oh well, scandals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28499484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon1ightknight/pseuds/moon1ightknight
Summary: At that moment, another thought occurred to Minsoo: even after everything, he still had Mayhem. Mayhem, which means the world to him and for which he does everything. He would always have Mayhem, and there’s no way that that was something Minsung could take from him, surely.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Lee Minsung, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Lee Minsoo, Kim Daehyun/Lee Minsoo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	I'll Play the Fool Instead

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is the longest fic I've ever written and I worked for sooo long on it so I hope you like it!! <<<333 I'm kinda scared to post it but I'm also excited!
> 
> The title is from Day6's Congratulations.

If Minsoo’s body wasn’t already protesting and demanding rest after spending the whole day at the Idol Sports Competition, then it was all but screaming by the time dawn rolled around and he was still sitting at his desk, gaming for hours on end. It wasn’t that he didn’t notice the aching exhaustion- quite the opposite, in fact. Rather, it was the perfect reminder of his anger and frustration at the competition’s outcome, an ideal way to redirect and release his anger on himself rather than subjecting those around him to his emotions. Instead of yelling in frustration or snapping at his friends, he resorted to slaughtering pixels on the screen and making his body suffer instead. 

It wasn’t until over twelve hours into this that he even began to pry himself away from the screen, finally acknowledging his body’s protests. He glanced vaguely at the water bottle sitting to the left of his keyboard, now almost entirely empty. If he was being honest, his memory of how it got there- as well as anything and everything else that happened for the last few hours- was blurry at best, if not almost nonexistent. He remembered the gentle voice of Jaewon, hesitantly trying to pry him away from his game until giving up and asking him to stay hydrated. After that, the water bottle had just kind of been there. 

Minsoo blinked tiredly, forcing his vision to refocus before sighing and forcing himself to stand up. After a moment of hesitation, he made his way to the restroom, trying not to acknowledge the way he felt the younger red-headed male staring at him from the living room. 

As soon as Minsoo made it to the bathroom, he made a beeline for the sink. He avoided looking in the mirror, roughly turning on the faucet and letting the water run cold before splashing it over his face. He did this a few times, allowing the temperature to shock his body back awake. It wasn’t until his eyes felt significantly less heavy and he could feel energy returning to his tired limbs that he finally looked up towards the mirror. 

God, he looked like hell. 

More important, though, was that all he could see in the mirror was the face of failure. 

He’d failed, once again. Their performance at the Idol Sports Competition was disastrous at best, and absolutely humiliating at worst. The weird outcome of the race and Wyld’s disappearance during his wrestling turn was bad enough, but then- well, then there was his loss in the wrestling event as well. 

His loss- against Minsung. Again. 

His loss, and every single one of Sa1nt’s victories, which he was forced to watch over and over. 

Of course, he couldn’t say he was surprised by this outcome. He had been so determined to win, but something deep down knew that there was no way he could compete with Minsung. Instead, the Idol Sports Competition was another victory to his older brother. Another hope that was torn out of Minsoo’s grasp and handed directly to Minsung instead. 

Minsoo wasn’t sure how long he stood there, mind spiralling through every single defeat or lost hope that he can attribute to his brother, but eventually the sound of the still-running faucet forces him back to reality. 

Well- with that train of thought, there’s no way he can go to bed now. Back to gaming, then. 

With a new wave of energy, he made his way back to his and Dongho’s shared room-

Wait, what the heck?

As soon as he walked in, his eyes fell to his desk and… the obviously empty spot where his chair should be. 

Minsoo knew he was tired, but surely not tired enough to  _ lose an entire gaming chair. _

Of course, it’s not that he doesn’t really know what happened to the chair- and, after a moment, he sighs in resignation. It was inevitable that he’d have to face reality soon, anyways. 

Deciding to get it over with, he turned the corner to exit his room. “Hey Jaewon,” began, stepping into the living room where he had noticed the younger male moments before. “Did you take my chair?”

And- oh. 

Minsoo stops short. 

He wasn’t quite sure what he had expected- a serious face, some sort of intervention or scolding- but, well, Jaewon wasn’t really the type of person to take that approach, was he?

Instead, the younger boy was seated on the floor between the couch and their table, proudly holding up a bottle that he must have just pulled out of the fridge. 

“Do you want some soju? Yogurt flavor is your favorite, right?”

And, well, no matter how bad of a mood Minsoo has been in, he couldn’t fight the soft smile that found its way to his lips. Even with the scandals revolving around Wyld and all the frustration and tension it brought to the group, he couldn’t find it in himself to resent or hold a grudge against him when he was this version of himself: the innocent, supportive, and thoughtful boy named Jaewon, not Wyld. He would always have a soft spot for this boy, he thought. 

At that moment, another thought occurred to Minsoo: even after everything, he still had Mayhem. Mayhem, which means the world to him and for which he does everything. He would always have Mayhem, and there’s no way that  _ that  _ was something Minsung could take from him, surely. 

***

Minsoo wasn’t sure when it started. Maybe it was after he confided to the younger male about how he ended up in their company and the truth behind his conflict with his brother, or maybe it wasn’t one specific incident that caused it. Maybe it was just a culmination of little moments tugging at his consciousness until the pull was almost magnetic in force. However it happened, at some point Minsoo found himself constantly in a state of awareness when it came to Jaewon’s existence. Slowly but surely, his senses were filled with the red-headed boy and his mind took note of every little detail it could grasp. Somehow, this became an important part of his day without him ever noticing until he was already in too deep. 

He noticed this phenomenon little by little, starting at one of Mayhem’s promotional photoshoots. He’d been quietly observing Jaewon as he interacted with the stylists and staff, always quiet and polite, never leaving off any ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ as if his life depended on it. That’s why it almost felt like a spell was cast the moment Jaewon stepped behind the lens, all but shapeshifting into something more dangerously flirtatious. With the flash of a camera, the blushing and awkward laughter was replaced with smirks and a sharp gaze, and it was as if a whole new person was standing there. 

After that, Minsoo’s silent obsession just evolved from there. He found himself fascinated by the seamless switch in personalities, which made absolutely no sense to him. It was so obvious that two completely different people existed: Jaewon, kind and gentle, and Wyld, confident and bold. When you look at the two from a distance it’s undeniable that they’re hardly the same person. However, looking closer, the exact line between the two identities blended so much that Minsoo couldn’t find the seams. At what point did Jaewon’s awkwardness around people give way to let his wittiness shine at fansigns? At what point did the boy who blushed at the slightest innuendo become the one they all saw on the front pages of magazines?

It just didn’t make sense. 

Minsoo’s favorite times, though, was when his group mate was undeniably  _ Jaewon _ , with no other identity in sight. 

It was about a month after the Idol Sports Competition, and for that expanse of time he’d found himself plagued with an unbeatable restlessness at night. Most of the time he’d lie awake, mind running until it couldn’t run anymore and he lost himself to a short and fitful sleep. Sometimes, though, it felt as if his mind would never stop running until he redirected it. 

That night was one of those nights, it seemed. His mind raced through anything and everything that could possibly cause him pain, from Minsung to dance moves he was struggling to perfect to some mistake he made during a concert last year. If it could torment him, it did. For hours he mulled over each and every detail of his life that he wished he could change, staring blankly at the wall. 

Eventually, as the room started to lighten just barely- hardly enough to notice if someone hadn’t been hyper aware of how late/early it was like Minsoo was at the moment- he groaned softly and rolled over in his bed. It took a moment for his bleary eyes to adjust as he scanned the room, taking in the sleeping form of Dongho-  _ damn _ that man was a rock at night, how did he do it?- before they eventually landed on the alarm clock that sat on his desk across the room, blinking dimly.  _ 6:42 am. _

Any sleep he got at this point would be cut far too short for it to be productive, so Minsoo forced himself upright and out of bed. If anyone asked, he’d just claim that he was getting an early start to the day to squeeze in extra dance practice- even if his muscles ached with exhaustion in a stubborn protest against the idea. 

Mostly via muscle memory, Minsoo navigated his way to the dorm kitchen and turned on the coffee pot. He winced at the loud brewing noise it made as it turned on, then stood staring blankly as the pot started to fill with the heaven-sent brown liquid. 

God, when did he start relying on this to get through the day? He was almost as bad as Jaewon. 

Speaking of Jaewon-

As soon as the soft aroma of coffee started to fill the air in the kitchen, the redhead poked his head in, looking almost shy. 

God, did Jaewon ever sleep properly?

Not that Minsoo had any room to judge. At this point, they were probably both more coffee than human. 

“Why are you awake?” Minsoo halfheartedly asked, pulling two mugs out of the cupboard without even asking if Jaewon wanted any coffee. As he poured it he watched Jaewon shrug softly out of the corner of his eye. 

“I was going to ask the same of you, hyung.”

A subtle dance around the question- they both knew neither of them would actually answer. Nevertheless they asked, both a formality and a reassurance that either of them were there for each other if they needed to talk. A gentle reassurance that made Minsoo love the other boy all the more, and wonder how this person before him could possibly exist in the same space as Wyld. 

As Minsoo passed Jaewon the freshly brewed cup of coffee, he took in his small frame. It was engulfed almost entirely in a hoodie, which was almost two sizes too big for him. ( _ Damn,  _ he looked comfortable.) If Minsoo hadn’t been subconsciously obsessed with Jaewon, he wouldn’t have taken note of the hoodie. However, he was whether he liked it or not, and for that very reason the hoodie stood out as particularly…  _ odd  _ to him. He could have brushed off the fact that it was too large as being a choice based on comfort, but even beyond that it didn’t seem like something Jaewon would pick out for himself. In fact, Minsoo was pretty sure this was the first time he’d ever seen Jaewon in a soft, pastel yellow. 

What’s more is that the hoodie seemed almost familiar. It had an abstract pattern and some vaguely familiar quote on it, which triggered some niggling in the back of his mind- he almost wanted to think that he’d seen it online somewhere? He wouldn’t be surprised, though, and it certainly wasn’t anything significant based on that detail alone- he was an idol, he came across a lot of fashion-related content daily. With a fairly generic hoodie, it wouldn’t be surprising if he’d seen something similar somewhere. 

Minsoo blinked. Why did he care about such an insignificant detail as a hoodie? How had he gotten lost down this train of thought?

Nevertheless, Minsoo took note of this. It was the first time he’d noticed something weird about Jaewon- or, well, weirder than the normal weird mysteriousness surrounding the boy. 

***

Of course, Jaewon never stayed  _ completely-undeniably-Jaewon _ for very long. Minsoo and Jaewon would orbit around each other for a while, sharing tender moments and finding some foothold on the climb to understanding each other, but inevitably it would be ruined before true progress could be made. Inevitably, Wyld would take the spotlight again. 

On this particular occasion, Minsoo was alone in a dance practice room at the company building. He’d been struggling a bit with the new choreography that they had planned for their comeback- it was all just  _ so much more _ than what he was used to- but he’d be damned if he was going to let the others catch onto this. Damn his stubbornness, refusing to let the others see him struggle or show signs of weakness. He was the leader of Mayhem, and he had to be the one who guided them through practice and this comeback, which meant he had to be perfect. Whenever he made a mistake in group practice, no matter how minor it was, there would be a sharp voice in the back of his mind screaming  _ Not good enough, you’re failing, you’re going to let everyone down, you’re not good enough.  _

That’s why he’d been in this same room, alone for hours on end, as he refused to let his body rest until each and every movement was ingrained into his very existence. He wasn’t going to let himself leave until he could basically perform the choreo flawlessly in his  _ sleep.  _

Despite his determined concentration, Minsoo eventually found himself unable to ignore his phone across the room, which had taken to buzzing persistently for the last half hour in staccato bursts. Frustrated at having been pulled out of the zone and no longer able to concentrate on the choreo at hand, Minsoo made his way across the room. He picked up his phone and blindly swiped on the first Twitter notification-  _ god, there were thousands.  _ He glanced around impatiently as the tweet loaded, until- oh. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see, but he shouldn’t have been surprised to find a photo of a familiar silhouette, topped with a splash of red, seemingly leaning in and kissing a woman at what was clearly some sort of night club. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised, and he  _ especially  _ shouldn’t have felt a deep pit in his stomach that almost resembled hurt. But, of course, Minsoo was a lot of things that he shouldn’t be, so why would that change now?

Honestly, what he  _ should  _ be is angry. Every single time one of these scandals popped up it destroyed the carefully constructed dynamic that the group had worked to build in between headlines, and subjected the other three members of Mayhem to weeks of uncomfortable questions and attention. He should be angry that it didn’t seem like Wyld realized he was harming more images than just his own. 

He should be  _ furious _ … And maybe he would be, if he hadn’t already wasted so much energy on feeling that way after all the other scandals. Maybe he would be if he wasn’t so confused by the boy’s duality or disappointed at the deconstruction of what he thought they were working together to build between them. 

Maybe he would be, if he had any energy to spare on anger. 

Instead, though, he channeled the rest of his energy into dance practice, pushing his body beyond its limits to aggressively ignore any emotions, much like the night after the Idol Sports Competition. 

***

When Minsoo finally dragged himself back to the dorms later that night, around dinner time, the tension in the air was so thick that it was nearly suffocating. He wasn’t not surprised, though- this was par for the course after every single scandal, so he had plenty of time to mentally prepare himself. 

It was almost as if they all three had memorized parts in a play, characters to drag out and perform as every time a scandal broke. Almost like clockwork and without a single word spoken to each other, they would take up various activities that allowed them to aggressively ignore the elephant in the room. As always, Daehyun was curled up on the floor in front of their couch, eyes locked onto some drama that Minsoo wasn’t familiar with- probably chosen hastily and at random, without much care for the actual content. Next to him Dongho was curled up on the couch, eyes never straying from the book in front of him. It was clear neither party was actually concentrating on their respective choices of media, but it was better than the other option. 

As Minsoo entered the room, they both glanced up for a moment. Minsoo greeted them with a small nod, not risking speaking and disturbing the fragile peace, and they all exchanged tired smiles. With this, Minsoo headed to his and Dongho’s room to put away his practice bag and pick up his own choice of distraction- gaming, of course. 

As Minsoo headed down the hallway, he heard a small voice coming from the room next to his. Was Jaewon home? That’s weird- normally he avoids the dorm for at least a few hours after there’s a new headline. 

It’s not that Minsoo  _ meant  _ to eavesdrop, but, well- he’s the leader, right? And if something’s wrong with his members he should know about it and address it. Judging by the tone of voice that was coming from Jaewon, something was  _ very _ wrong. And, well… It was just so easy to hear this half of the conversation, and even easier to stay rooted to his spot outside the door, lured in with curiosity. 

The first thing Minsoo noted wasthat Jaewon sounded almost like he was pleading with whoever was on the other end of the phone. 

“Please, I would never-” the quiet voice belonging to the younger boy began, before being cut off by a long expanse of silence. 

He would never what?

Jaewon tried again after another moment. “I know, I know… I’m sorry- It’s more complicated than it seems, but please-” 

More silence, which was almost excruciatingly tense. Minsoo didn’t dare move a muscle, somehow afraid that he’d shatter whatever weird moment is happening. 

The redhead gave it one more attempt. “No- I didn’t want to,  _ really. _ I didn’t want… Please, hyung.” 

Hyung? Minsoo knew that he definitely was not on the phone with him or Dongho, but- who else could he possibly be calling hyung? 

Finally, the last beat of silence was interrupted with a soft sigh, followed with the soft  _ thunk  _ of a phone being dropped carelessly onto a desk. In the wake of the phone call, the new silence was almost deafening. 

Minsoo raised his fist to knock on the door, but then hesitated. What would he even say? ‘Hey, I know we’re awkwardly trying to not acknowledge that you were photographed kissing some girl, but I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on you and wonder who you were arguing with.’ No, that was  _ definitely  _ too weird. Eventually, with more questions than answers floating around his mind, Minsoo decided against it and lowered his hand. He silently made the rest of his way to his room, doing his best not to acknowledge the pang of guilt and frustration that settled in his stomach. 

***

Minsoo was never good at difficult conversations. Maybe that’s why, over the next few days, he held his tongue as he noticed Jaewon’s demeanor drastically change. Yes, he didn’t acknowledge it not because he didn’t notice- because he  _ always noticed every little thing about Jaewon these days, god what’s wrong with him-  _ but rather that he didn’t know how to approach the subject. 

He definitely noticed the way that Jaewon slept in hours later than normal, only pulling himself out of bed for events or practices. He noticed the way his Twitter activity increased as he spent more and more time alone, and the way he sometimes opted to skip meals altogether. He noticed how sometimes they’d have to say something to him repeatedly before he even realized he was being spoken to. 

He noticed it all, but he never said anything about it. 

It was once again a long and sleepless night when his guilt and frustration started to overflow inside of him, leading Minsoo into the kitchen at 3am with abandoned hopes of sleeping. Moving on autopilot, Minsoo found himself making a cup of tea and sitting at the dining room table, gazing numbly at the city lights out of the window across the room. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there until a small shuffling sound abruptly stirred him from his reverie. He quickly looked up, only to see Jaewon standing in the doorway with wide, doe-like eyes. 

“Hyung?” Jaewon asked, barely above a whisper, and  _ oh- _

It was evident in the younger’s shaky voice and the faint but now-visible stains on his cheeks that he had been crying. Minsoo frowned, pulling out the chair next to him. 

“Jaewon-ah? What’s up?” 

Jaewon hesitated in the doorway, nervously glancing from Minsoo to the chair and back, as if considering whether or not sitting down was a good idea. He seemed almost scared, and  _ god _ , that hurt something deep inside Minsoo. Since when was Jaewon scared to talk to him? Since when had he started failing as both a leader and a hyung so badly?

For a minute Minsoo almost thought that Jaewon was going to bolt, but eventually he silently sat down next to Minsoo. The pair sat there for a while, not saying anything. Jaewon seemed to have a lot on his mind with no clue where to start, and Minsoo didn’t want to shatter whatever fragile peace existed at the moment. It was like approaching a hurt puppy- move too soon and you’ll ruin everything. 

Neither of them were sure how long they sat there in silence. It felt like hours, but it also felt like a matter of seconds. It was the sort of passage of time when two aching souls meet in a liminal space, where everything both exists too much and ceases to exist altogether. 

Eventually, the silence was shattered by a tiny voice. 

“At what point… Is something worth it, if that thing makes you so happy, but the process of achieving that happiness all but destroys you?” 

Minsoo frowned. Where the heck did that come from? Was this about the scandal? Or maybe… the phone call that Minsoo overheard? Of course, Minsoo wasn’t supposed to know about whatever argument had occurred, so he opted for asking about the former. 

“Are you happy being in Mayhem, Jaewon?”

Jaewon looked up, startled confusion on his face. He looked like he was turning over the question in his mind, trying to figure out what could have prompted it, before a fleeting moment of clarity crossed his face. Finally, an even deeper sadness and seeming resignation settled on his expression, and he looked down at his hands.  _ Oh,  _ Minsoo fucked up.

“Well… Yea, I mean- Yea. That’s not what I meant, but… but yea…” he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath in what seemed to be an attempt to regain his composure. “I love Mayhem.” 

“But you’re in pain,” Minsoo bluntly observed. 

Jaewon looked up at him with the most deer-in-the-headlights expression that he’d ever seen, eyes wide and filled with fear, sadness, and, somehow, love. In his eyes Minsoo felt that he can see the world, and the world  _ hurts so, so bad. _ Jaewon opened his mouth to reply-

And all that came out is a strangled sob, followed quickly by a fresh wave of tears. 

For a moment Minsoo was frozen, a statue constructed solely from fear and uncertainty. Then, as if suddenly coming back to reality, he quickly reached out and pulled Jaewon close to him. The younger boy nestled his head in Minsoo’s shoulder, and Minsoo gently rested his cheek against the top of Jaewon’s head. 

The two sat like that for a long time, one silently weeping and the other trying to calm the dozens of racing thoughts in his mind. 

That moment, Minsoo noticed two things. The first thought- the most prominent of the two- is that he’d do anything to see Jaewon’s smile again, and that seeing him like this hurts so much more than he ever imagined. 

The second thing was more of a whisper in the back of his mind, drowned out by everything more important, but nevertheless it pushed at his senses. It’s the realization that Jaewon was engulfed by yet another unfamiliar, too-large hoodie, and there was an equally unfamiliar cologne on it. It was faint, and yet it stands out so clearly to Minsoo. Without the mental energy to question it too hard, though, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to breath in the comforting scent while holding his crying friend. 

***

For the next few days, the two awkwardly danced around each other. Neither of them dared mention whatever tender moment they shared for fear of ruining it, but they seem to be slightly more in sync and aware of each other’s thoughts or emotions now. Jaewon seemed less anxious and awkward around Minsoo, and Minsoo tried his hardest to be comforting and open to Jaewon in case he needed to talk again. 

Of course, if Minsoo thought about everything too hard, he was filled once again with guilt. He thought about all the weird things he’s noticed about Jaewon lately- the cologne, the hoodies, the phone call, the scandals. Their tender moments, his vulnerability. None of it seemed to match up to what Jaewon should be, and he still couldn’t figure out what exactly was wrong. It also doesn’t help that he was trying to signal to Jaewon that he’d be there for him, while keeping his knowledge of the phone call secret. It felt like some sick deception, in some way. But that’s how it had to be, right? 

The four of them were in dance practice when the door opened. The tension in the air had finally started subsiding after the scandal, as always, but everyone was still on edge. That’s why none of them were surprised to see their manager standing at the doorway, an exhausted-yet-serious expression on his voice. They were even less surprised when he informed them that he was there to pick up Jaewon for a meeting with the CEO. 

Normally Minsoo would protest about how they had to finish practice, because  _ come on, didn’t the CEO want them to succeed?? _ , but as the redhead nervously made his way to the door, Minsoo saw his chance. As soon as he heard the click of the door and Jaewon was out of sight, he whirled on the other two. 

“Has Jaewon seemed weird to you lately?” he quickly began with no warning. 

The two taller males seemed startled by Minsoo’s sudden change of subject before exchanging a weird glance between them. Dongho looked back towards Minsoo and shrugged coldly, void of emotion. 

In that shrug, Minsoo was transported back in time to a few months ago, at a team dinner. 

_ “Don’t you find it weird though?” Daehyun casually mused, not acknowledging the violence occurring between Minsoo and Dongho. He was definitely used to that already, somehow.  _

_ Minsoo paused mid-assault to glance at the younger blonde boy as Dongho responded, “Find what weird?” _

_ “Well…” there was a pause as Dae contemplated his words, seeming confused and uncertain. “He wasn’t like this before we debuted. It’s strange, isn’t it?”  _

_ The three boys sat there in silence for a second, and Minsoo let go of Dongho. It seemed like none of them knew what to do with the observation, Minsoo recalling the first day he met the new shy trainee. That boy couldn’t even begin to exist on the same plane as Wyld, could he? _

_ Dae took a drink of his water while waiting for a response, and Dongho narrowed his eyes.  _

_ “Is it, though? I mean… Fame changes people.”  _

Had it always been like that? Was Minsoo just obsessing over small details in Wyld’s continued decline into fame, making a big deal out of what had always been there? 

“Jaewon is always shifty after a scandal. I don’t think this instance is any different than the others,” Dongho replied, instantly shutting down the conversation. Dae nodded in agreement and quickly walked across the room to grab a drink. 

For a moment, Minsoo let himself believe them. For a moment, Minsoo wanted to believe that things were as simple as that, and that he didn’t have to worry about it any further. But he noticed as Dae walked past him that the younger boy refused to make eye contact, and that there had been a whole conversation in the look exchanged by Dongho and Dae. It was almost as if they both knew something important that Minsoo didn’t, and something just didn’t set right in his stomach. 

When had he started caring so much? When had he started noticing all these little details and reading so deep into them? Why couldn’t he just believe Dongho’s explanation and let it go? 

***

When Jaewon returned from his meeting with the CEO, it was very late at night. The others had long since gone to bed, but Minsoo had dozed off on the couch instead. There was a movie playing in the background, but he’d long since given up on tracking with the plot. The gentle click of the front door stirred him from his half-asleep but still-awake limbo, and he pushed himself up into a sitting position. His eyes took a moment to adjust before landing on Jaewon, and he smiled gently. 

Maybe it was because he was still mostly asleep, or maybe it was because he was concerned. Whichever it was, Minsoo wordlessly lifted his blanket and scooted to the edge of the couch, making room for Jaewon. The two held eye contact for a while, Jaewon looking surprised but simultaneously so,  _ so sad _ , before smiling gently and crawling under the blanket next to Minsoo. 

It was nice sitting there, curled up and so close to Jaewon: the two both existing in some weird haze of awareness and exhaustion, not saying a word but not needing to. 

There were many things Minsoo ignored at that moment. He ignored the tear stains on Jaewon’s cheeks, which had started to become all too familiar. He ignored the younger boy’s damp hair, as if he had let himself sit in the rain for way too long. He ignored the fluttering of his heart and the strange pull in his stomach. 

What he didn’t ignore, though, was when Jaewon’s phone lit up and the redhead glanced at it before grinning and firing back a text. What he didn’t ignore was how that was the start of when Jaewon finally started being happy again. 

***

Minsoo was starting to get used to being woken up by his phone all but exploding with Twitter notifications. At this point he was so used to it that he heavily debated just silencing his phone and rolling back over to sleep longer. He glanced over at Dongho’s bed to see it empty and stared blankly for a moment before sighing. Annoying as it may be, he may as well check the incessant buzzing. After all, if Mayhem was on fire then the leader should probably at least be aware of such. 

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the bright light of his phone screen as he picked it up. Knowing that trying to read the notifications coming in at light speed would be useless, he swiped on one at random to open the Twitter app. As it turned on, he was faced with a link and… a thumbnail of Sa1nt? 

Why. The. Hell. 

Minsoo swipes out of the tweet and back to his notifications, scrolling through his mentions as quickly as possible. 

_ “@Mayhem_2ms have you seen this??” _

_ “Literally how did I not know that @Mayhem_2ms and @Sa1nt_LeeMinsung were brothers??” _

_ “its so weird how someone from a band as innocent and good as Sa1nt can be related to someone from a group as shrouded in scandal as mayhem @mayhem_2ms @sa1nt_leeminsung i need answers!!” _

_ “wait but no i fucking love @sa1nt_leeminsung maybe i need to stan mayhem and support his little brother now!! @mayhem_2ms” _

For a minute, Minsoo thought he was suffocating. He sat up in bed quickly in a panicked attempt to shake off the heavy weight pressing on his chest, stomach turning with dread as he clicked the link that scattered his mentions. 

It was an interview with Sa1nt that had been posted early this morning, around 7am. Minsoo scrolled to the timestamp that had been designated by some of the Tweets and scowled as he pressed play. 

_ “And how does your family feel about your guys’ idol careers? Are they supportive?” the interviewer asked with an innocent smile.  _ (Minsoo couldn’t tell if she was genuinely curious or if she was fishing for any hint of drama. Well, she sure got it.)

_ The pastel-haired boys went in a circle, all talking about their supportive families and stories of how they got to where they are now. Eventually, it was Minsung’s turn, and he gave a weird sort of smile that was almost impossible to read.  _

_ “My parents are pretty supportive!” He chuckles awkwardly before continuing. “If they weren’t supportive then they’d be having a rough time, since my little brother Minsoo is also an idol.”  _

And- god  _ damn it _ , Minsoo thought bitterly. He’d managed to get this far with his fans loving him as Lee Minsoo, and with just one sentence he was once again reduced to “Lee Minsung’s Little Brother.” 

***

The days following Sa1nt’s interview felt almost like a fever dream to Minsoo. He spent the week walking in a haze, barely aware of his surroundings. 

Every time he tweeted something, he was flooded with an unusually large amount of replies. Some of them were general fan gushing- more intense than normal, and most of them with Minsung icons (he wanted to throw up every time he saw someone spamming “omg date me” with his brother’s face staring at him.) Most of them, though, were just asking him questions about his brother, with a bit of hate sprinkled in. 

Minsoo wanted to chuck his phone into the highway every time he thought about Twitter. 

In some ways, he figured it wasn’t all terrible. He shouldn’t be upset or let his foul mood bring down the other three boys in Mayhem. Almost overnight their views on Find a Way had doubled, and by the end of the week they had ten times the amount of subscribers on Youtube than they’d ever have thought they would receive. 

The others seemed ecstatic. After all, this was the most success they’d ever had in their careers. As the leader, Minsoo should celebrate with them. He should join them on some outing, have a celebratory dinner or go for some drinks. 

He couldn’t bring himself to suggest the idea, though. He didn’t think he could enjoy eating right now. With the melancholy thoughts and frustration building up inside him, everything tasted ashy. Even the flavor of success was bitter and disappointing when attributed to Minsung. 

***

The most annoying reply that Minsoo got, without fail, every time he posted a selfie or made some shitpost was “Why don’t you follow your brother and his group on Twitter?”

He wasn’t sure if this was worse than his brother’s stans being thirsty on main in his replies. If not, then just as annoying at the very least.

Minsung must have been getting the same questions, because when he opened his Twitter about a week and a half into this whole ordeal, one particular notification stuck out to him: 

**@Sa1nt_LeeMinsung followed you**

Minsoo gritted his teeth, clicking on his brother’s profile. With one glance, he quickly noticed that Minsung had followed the other three members of Mayhem as well. 

Minsoo also noticed a small line of text and a familiar icon under Minsung’s follower count. 

**_Followed by @95wyld._ **

***

Daehyun had always been one of the more perceptive ones when it came to the other members’ emotions, excelling at where all the others were miserably failing (or not even trying.) Maybe that was why, after another few days of Minsoo stirring in his own anger, Dae decided to drag him out of the dorms. At first Minsoo had heavily protested, making excuses about work he had to get done or sleep he needed to catch up on, but he didn’t  _ really  _ have the heart to so coldly brush off their maknae. 

“Where are we going?” Minsoo half-asked half-grumbled as the taller boy gripped his wrist, leading him through the winding Seoul streets. Dae only grinned mischievously and shrugged. 

“You’ll see when we get there!” 

Minsoo had no idea what that was supposed to mean, and even less of an idea as to what to expect. At this point everything about Daehyun and his impulses were so surprising that Minsoo  _ couldn’t _ be surprised, in some paradoxical way. 

Eventually Dae suddenly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, causing Minsoo to almost crash into him. Minsoo glanced at where Dae had turned to face, and oh- he was  _ definitely  _ not surprised. 

“Is this… an ice cream parlor?” he deadpanned. 

Dae nodded excitedly, and Minsoo felt something warm inside his heart for their Maknae. 

“Yea! But it’s special because they have a bar where you can go and add your own toppings! Whatever you like and however much you like.” And with that, he pulled Minsoo into the shop. 

In the end, the stark contrast between Dae and Minsoo’s bowls were almost hilarious. Dae’s terrifying, precariously stacked bowl of toppings was- well, there was no better way to describe it than  _ definitely not diet-compliant.  _ But hey, no one was around to enforce it, so what did it matter?

In comparison, Minsoo’s was very underwhelming: mint chocolate chip with hot fudge and brownie chunks. (Still definitely not diet-compliant, but definitely less egregious of an infraction.) 

As silly as the whole outing was (what did he expect?), Minsoo genuinely was having fun. Even if he didn’t really want to admit it. There was just something about the younger boy that made it impossible to be genuinely upset about anything when around him. One smile from the blonde and your crops were flourishing, your skin is clear, your grades are perfect. 

Okay, maybe not literally. But Minsoo did feel more relaxed than he had in a long time. It was nice, really. Watching Daehyun be an absolute child and scoop topping after topping (gummy bears, sprinkles, coconut- it never ended) while exchanging snarky remarks was a nice change of pace to what Minsoo’s life had been lately. Maybe Daehyun knew that. In any case, Minsoo was silently grateful. 

A few bites into his bowl of ice cream, Minsoo’s phone buzzed. He started to reach for it before seeing a quick and sneaky blur of motion out of the corner of his eye. 

“Ya!” he shouts, looking back at Daehyun who now had a spoonful of mint chocolate ice cream and a very wide, mischievous smile. “You have PLENTY of your own, why are you taking mine?!”

Daehyun opted to respond with nothing more than a light giggle before tasting Minsoo’s ice cream, wrinkling his nose almost immediately. “I now understand the mint chocolate debate.” 

“Serves you right for stealing my ice cream,” Minsoo mumbled before grabbing his phone again, turning his attention back to his phone. He swipes on the Twitter notification mindlessly, and- oh. He pauses. 

Staring up at him is a selfie just tweeted by Jaewon, with the redheaded boy wearing the same pastel yellow hoodie that he had been wearing the other night. Behind him the background was unfamiliar, looking almost like a living room. (A very  _ nice _ living room.)

What Minsoo noticed most, though, was Jaewon’s smile: he hadn’t seen him smile like that in a long time. It made everything inside Minsoo shatter, including the walls he had unknowingly built around his heart. 

Half-dazed, Minsoo pried his gaze away from his phone to glance at Daehyun. 

“Dae, how do you know if you have a crush?”

Dae was uncharacteristically silent for a moment, glancing from the picture of Jaewon, up to Minsoo’s face, and then back down to the phone, before shifting uncomfortably. Minsoo could tell that Daehyun had put two and two together, but- why did he look so uncomfortable? He was pretty sure Dae wasn’t entirely straight either, so that couldn’t have been it. Was it the idea of romance between two members of Mayhem? That was fair, honestly. It  _ was  _ a really stupid idea. 

For a moment, it looked like Dae was going to respond, but then he shifted uncomfortably again. It was almost as if Dae wanted to tell him something, but there was something deep down holding him back from doing so. What the heck?

Finally, Dae settled with his eyes trained on his ice cream. 

“I don’t know, hyung. I once thought I once had a crush too, but I was horribly wrong…” He trailed off, and Minsoo could hear the silent plea for him to not question what Dae meant. 

Minsoo hummed thoughtfully, opting instead to turn back to Twitter which was still open on his phone. The first thing he did was like and retweet Jaewon’s selfie, then scroll through the replies. 

Every. Single. Reply. was talking about how Minsung liked the Tweet as well. 

How the  _ fuck? _ Jaewon hadn’t even posted this selfie five minutes ago- either Minsung was sitting on Twitter (very uncharacteristically, he was  _ always  _ working and Minsoo knew that) or he had Jaewon on post notifications for some super weird reason. 

Both options didn’t sit well with Minsoo. 

Minsoo is abruptly pulled from his silent contemplation by Dae nudging his elbow. 

“Hey, you should try my ice cream! Since I tried yours, at least.” It was obvious that Daehyun was doing his best to distract the leader from his own thoughts, and Minsoo loved him all the more for the attempt. 

“I think I might literally die if I ingest that much sugar,” Minsoo snarks with a half-hearted smile. Dae returns the gesture. 

And this- this moment is what means the world to Minsoo. Tender, silly moments exchanged with his group members, nothing but love and friendship between them. Really, he’d done everything to be here with them, and he’d do anything to stay. No matter what, that’s something that would always belong to Minsoo- Mayhem was still his safe corner of the world, and Minsung couldn’t change that. Even if Minsung tried to weasel himself in with whatever strange bullshit he was pulling, he couldn’t steal moments like this. He couldn’t replicate the loving bond he had with his group members. Mayhem would always be something Minsoo had that Minsung couldn’t make himself part of.

Minsoo was startled from his reverie and his newfound inner piece by another quick movement from Daehyun, the ice cream thief. 

“Ya! I thought you just said you didn’t like mint chocolate!”

Daehyun stuck out his tongue and ate the stolen ice cream on his spoon. “I think it might be growing on me.”

***

After his outing with Dae, Minsoo slowly found his groove again. He started catching back up and being able to focus in practice, and he felt more in sync with the world around him than he had in a while. He wasn’t bothered so much by the constant Twitter attention anymore, and he tried not to notice his brother’s activity. 

Or- well- that’s what he thought. Maybe his inner peace was more easily shattered than he thought. 

Minsoo was heading to dance practice when he bumped into Jaewon lurking outside the practice room door. He knew that they still had a few minutes before practice, but he also knew that Dongho and Daehyun would already be inside- why hadn’t Jaewon joined them yet?

As he approached, he noticed the anxious scrunch of the younger boy’s eyebrows, and the way he kept swiping down on his screen as if refreshing something over and over. Minsoo could barely make out a familiar shade of blue, but that only brought more questions than it did answers. Why would Jaewon be anxiously refreshing his Twitter feed?

He was almost sure he was making it up, but as he approached Jaewon he thought for a moment that the air almost felt heavy with dread. 

“Is everything okay?” Minsoo asked, shattering Jaewon’s anxious silence. 

Jaewon looked up with the most deer-in-the-headlights look, as if he genuinely had no idea Minsoo had been there. Was he that worried over whatever was on Twitter?

Minsoo didn’t have much time to wonder or investigate further as Jaewon quickly turned off his phone and nodded. “Yea, everything’s fine!” He gave Minsoo a smile that would have been more than convincing if Minsoo hadn’t become so obsessed with the little details. As he went to put his phone in his pocket it dinged with a text, and Jaewon nervously turned off the ringer and put it away. 

“Should we go join Dongho and Dae?” Jaewon asked, turning around and entering the practice word without waiting for Minsoo. (Maybe that was the weirdest behavior of all, coming from Jaewon.) Minsoo tried to brush it off and followed Jaewon into the practice room, dropping his stuff next to the other three’s things. 

Minsoo  _ was  _ doing better, he  _ was  _ finding his groove again. After his weird encounter with Jaewon, though, he found himself thrown back into the mindspace he had been in just days ago. He kept thinking about Jaewon’s weird behavior, the discrepancies between the redhead’s seemingly two identities, and his ice cream date with Dae. He couldn't figure out which one made his heart hurt more or why they even hurt in the first place.

For the next hour Minsoo performed abysmally, mentally kicking himself harder and harder every time he stepped out of sequence or missed a queue. He knew- he  _ knew  _ he wasn’t acting like himself, and everyone else was starting to notice. Normally Minsoo was like a drill sergeant during practices, but now he could barely hold himself together. 

Eventually, Dongho took initiative and signalled for the other three to stop. He turned to face them, and Minsoo couldn’t read the expression on the cool male’s face- somehow it was simultaneously concern  _ and  _ frustration. Minsoo wasn’t sure which was worse. 

“Let’s take a short break. Minsoo, you should go take a drink of water and a short breather. Jaewon, Daehyun, we can exchange critiques and pointers on eachothers’ performances in the meantime.” 

Minsoo wanted to protest. They were hardly even an hour into practice, it was too early for him to be taking a break. He should be there to discuss pointers and go over the choreography more, he should be the one  _ giving  _ the pointers- but, deep down, he knew Dongho was right. With a resigned sigh, Minsoo walked over to his bag and picked up his water bottle. 

As he grabbed the water bottle, Minsoo’s attention was grabbed by a flash of light sitting next to it. Next to their bags, Jaewon’s phone was sitting face-up, with text after text rolling in. 

The first thing- the  _ worst  _ thing- that Minsoo noticed is the contact name on the tests: 

_ Minsung. _

He knew he shouldn’t snoop further, but at that moment all sense of right and wrong was replaced with anger and confusion. He let his eyes trail further down the screen, reading the content of each message. Each one seems to have come approximately five minutes apart.

**_You know I have to tell someone, Jaewon._ **

Then,  **_You can’t keep letting him do this to you._ **

And still,  **_It’s going to break you if you continue like this._ **

And finally,  **_Even if I know the truth, every new headline hurts me._ **

Minsoo stood in stunned silence for a long minute, grip tightening dangerously on the plastic water bottle in his hand. What the fuck?  _ What the fuck does any of that mean?? _

_ And why is  _ Minsung  _ texting Jaewon?? _

Minsoo was on autopilot. His brain completely shut down, not allowing him to think or feel anything in an attempt to avoid the burning rage and stinging tears that should be in its place. He didn’t get to think about what he was doing, how he was reacting: he simply walked out of the practice room without another word, leaving the other three boys to stare after him in confusion.

As soon as Minsoo arrived back at the dorms, he made a beeline for his bedroom. The moment the door was closed he collapsed on the ground in front of it, back against the solid wood. 

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see. He couldn’t think anything but the same damn line, over and over. 

_ Mayhem is his. Mayhem is the one and only thing he still has. Minsung can’t take Mayhem from him. Minsung can’t- _

_ But he is, isn’t he? _

***

When the other three returned from practice, Minsoo was a mirror image of the person he was the night after ISC. He was completely dead to the world around him, eyes trained on a game on his desktop and almost unblinking. 

Daehyun tried to get his attention once, and gave up after about five minutes. Jaewon went immediately to his room, avoiding Minsoo altogether. Finally, Dongho entered the room with a grave expression on his face. He closed the door behind him. 

In true Dongho fashion, the older male decided to skip the bullshit. Instead of trying desperately to pry Minsoo’s attention away from the screen like Dae had, he simply leaned over and pressed the power button.

Well, at least it succeeded in getting Minsoo to acknowledge Dongho’s presence. 

“Dongho what the  _ fu-”  _ Minsoo started to yell before being promptly shut up by Dongho’s glare. 

“I could say the same to you, Minsoo. What happened back there?” 

The realization that Dongho’s tone was gentle and concerned in contrast to his serious and stern expression snuffed out the last of rage’s flame which had been burning in Minsoo’s chest. With angry and spiteful retorts dying on his tongue, Minsoo walked over and sat on his bed with a sigh. Dongho sat next to him after a moment, and Minsoo, energy having fled with his anger, leaned against him. 

Dongho reached up to comfortingly toy with Minsoo’s hair before asking again, “What happened, ‘Soo?” 

Minsoo kept his eyes trained on the wall across the room, thinking for a moment. After a beat of silence he found himself spilling everything that had been welling up in his heart to Dongho in the form of a half-coherent rant. He still refused to move his gaze, worried that if he acknowledged the rest of the world around him he’d cry.

He told Dongho about the late-night conversations with Jaewon, the discrepancies between Jaewon vs Wyld, his insecurities in regards to his brother, his struggle to get to where he is today, his insomnia, and, finally, the texts on Jaewon’s phone. It was the most non-linear and incoherent rant to ever exist, and honestly, Dongho was a saint for sitting patiently and understanding every word of it. 

When he reached the detail of Jaewon’s texts, Minsoo’s entire body was trembling with the threat of tears. 

“I just… What does any of that even  _ mean _ ? And why  _ Minsung _ ? Do you understand any of this, hyung?”

Dongho sighed and paused for a long moment, the silence building a pit in Minsoo’s stomach. 

“I… have known that Jaewon and Minsung had gotten close since ISC, but I never brought it up to you because I didn’t know the exact details of the situation. But with the texts… I have no idea what they could mean.” 

Minsoo abruptly pulls away from Dongho and stares at him numbly. “You knew Jaewon was close to Minsung?”

Dongho seemed to know that it was too late to backtrack, so he just nodded. “He’d previously told Daehyun and I privately, but we weren’t sure how to approach the situation… We didn’t know how you’d react.” 

They knew. Jaewon had been friends with Minsung for months now, and both Dongho and Daehyun knew, and  _ they never told him.  _

The angry fire in Minsoo’s chest reignited itself, and he clung to it gently to make sure it didn’t blow out again. He stared at Dongho with cold, unfeeling eyes, shoving every bit of hurt inside him down until it was consumed by the flame and he felt nothing more than an anger so hot that it was numbing. 

“I think I’m going to bed now,” he said in an unwavering voice. He didn’t acknowledge anyone for the rest of the night. 

***

The next day, Minsoo made what was probably the worst possible and least ethical decision. He woke up early- and by “woke up” he meant gave up on sleep, obviously- and made a cup of coffee, then waited for the others to wake up while sitting at the dining table. 

He didn’t acknowledge any of the other three as they woke up and greeted him a good morning, and the air was almost as tense as it was after Jaewon’s scandals. 

Speaking of Jaewon, Minsoo stayed statue-still at the dining table until Jaewon left that morning, then after a few minutes he abruptly and wordlessly stood up. He headed towards the front door, grabbing his coat, keys, and wallet before leaving. 

He may have felt guilty during the entire process, but  _ physically  _ it was extremely easy to follow Jaewon, even from a distance. His red hair ensured it, after all. 

Eventually, Jaewon stopped in front of a coffee shop while Minsoo stood at the end of the block. People kept walking between them and obscuring his view, but Minsoo could make out the sign: Coffee Days. He’d heard of this place- maybe Dae mentioned visiting it with Jaewon once?

Minsoo could also make out another familiar figure in the crowd of people, standing directly next to the coffee shop’s front door: a pastel yellow hoodie with an abstract design, topped with a head of cotton-candy blue and pink hair. 

The flame spread from Minsoo’s chest to encompass his entire being. Then, it burned every shred of hope inside him as he saw the two boys link hands. 

Minsoo found himself walking closer to the coffee shop as the people he was following entered, standing in an obstacle in pedestrians’ way. He couldn’t bring himself to move out of the way, though- he couldn’t bring himself to think or breathe, either. All he could do is stare through the window at the two boys, now seated at a table inside. 

_ I… have known that Jaewon and Minsung had gotten close since ISC. _

Close. They have gotten close. Dongho had said that. 

But he hadn’t said that they were apparently- what,  _ dating?  _ (They weren’t even allowed to do that, were they? But then again, since when did Jaewon seem to care about what they could or couldn’t do when it came to romantic and sexual engagements, Minsoo thought bitterly.) 

Surely, what Dongho had said was the extent of his knowledge. Surely his entire group hadn’t been hiding the fact that Jaewon was  _ dating Minsung _ from him, had they?

He notices with some faint interest in the back of his mind that Jaewon and Minsung seem to be in a heated and serious conversation. Jaewon looks pleading and sad, and Minsoo wants to feel something about it, wants to worry about Jaewon. In turn, Minsung looks concerned but serious. Always showing Minsoo up with things he couldn’t do, then. 

Not sure if he was about to scream or throw up, Minsoo decided that he had seen enough. Without another wasted second, he turned and left. 

***

If he was being entirely honest, Minsoo wasn’t entirely sure what he did for the rest of the day. Wandered around the city in a daze, maybe? 

In any case, he knew exactly one thing he  _ did _ do: avoid the dorms at all cost. He still hadn’t decided what he was going to say or do when he faced the others, how to tell them he knew the truth. How he  _ felt  _ about the truth. It was all just a fucking disaster, really. 

Finally, once the sun set and the sky was consumed by stars, Minsoo figured it would be best that he head home. He slowly stood up from a park bench he had been sitting on, cold hands as numb as his emotional state. 

It wasn’t until he was headed home that his phone started going absolutely ballistic. For a moment he tried to brush it off, figuring it was another scandal- but no, it couldn’t be, could it? Jaewon was  _ dating Minsung _ , and even for all the little regard Jaewon seemed to now possess for others, he wouldn’t cheat on someone. Would he?

Maybe that was it- maybe Minsoo wasn’t the only one who had pieced things together today. 

Well, like last time- if Mayhem was on fire, then maybe the leader should at least be aware of it. 

Sighing, Minsoo pulled his still-buzzing phone out of his pockets, struggling to keep up with the flood of notifications. Eventually he was able to make out one headline, over and over again: 

**High Class Entertainment CEO Park Under Fire for Allegedly Faking Wyld’s Scandals.**

Minsoo stopped dead in the middle of the now-emptier sidewalk, the flame inside him freezing immediately. 

What. The fuck.

He clicked on the link, somehow both hesitantly and urgently at the same time, and cursed as the page loaded slowly. Finally the article loaded, and Minsoo read it quicker than what was probably humanly possible, terrified and hungry for an explanation. 

According to the article, none of ‘Wyld’s’ scandals were real. All of them were conducted in some shape or form by the CEO. The first one Jaewon had been an unlucky bystander, but he had been forced to take the fall. Several after that, Jaewon had explicitly been told what to do and where to go. None of it was of his own will. 

Flames are a hungry thing, feeding off of the oxygen around it. The one that burned in Minsoo stull all the oxygen from his lungs, and Minsoo felt like he was going to suffocate as the weight of what he was reading weighed on him. 

He scrolled down the article more, and found answers to his last question. 

The one to blow the whistle had been Minsung.

The Twitter notifications were still rolling in, and Minsoo stupidly swiped back to his feed to look at what people were saying. 

“ _ Isn’t this something that Mayhem should have noticed? @Mayhem_2ms, how could you not have known about what was going on if you’re actually a leader” _

_ “poor wyld has been suffering and no one in mayhem even noticed? Pathetic” _

_ “Maybe they did notice and they just didn’t care. How much faith do we really have in anyone under HCE after seeing this?” _

_ “I can’t believe it had to be the LEADER of Mayhem’s BROTHER who had to shed light on this. Seriously @Mayhem_2ms, why didn’t you blow the whistle before @Sa1nt_LeeMinsung??”  _

_ “I’m so disappointed in Minsoo and the rest of Mayhem, but my heart goes out to Wyld. I hope Minsung’s there for him right now.”  _

Once again, Minsoo was inferior to his brother. Once again, he had critically failed where he had been so desperately needed to succeed.

And with that, Minsoo felt the world fall out from underneath him. 

*** 

Jaewon wasn’t at the dorm when Minsoo arrived, but the other two were huddled at the dining table. Daehyun looked like he’d been crying, and Dongho sat close to him with a stony expression. When Minsoo entered, the other two looked up in unison. 

After a brief moment of silent eye contact, Dongho spoke up. 

“We need to talk about this.” 

That’s how Minsoo ended up sitting at the dining table across from Daehyun and Dongho, nursing a cup of now-cold coffee that he could barely taste. They all carefully and meticulously went over the details of the article, throwing in their own observations. Daehyun pointed out how he knew the change from pre-debut Jaewon to Wyld had never sat right with him, and the three recalled the discussion they had at their team dinner all those months ago. Dongho told them about Sohee and the sliver of truth behind the scandals that he had been allowed, and-  _ god,  _ Minsoo couldn’t help but feel like he had failed everyone after hearing about that. 

Finally, Minsoo addressed the other elephant in the room. 

“How was it that Minsung knew before all of us? How was he the one that exposed all of this?”

Dongho leveled him with a stare, something like pity and exhaustion in his dark eyes. He seemed to decide that bluntness was the best option, as he proceeded to say, “They’re dating.” 

There’s no reaction from Daehyun, no hint of surprise.

Minsoo stared down at his coffee. “So you both knew, then?” 

“Hyung-” Dae started, but Minsoo cut him off. 

“I found out today. I saw them together.” Minsoo took a shuddering breath. “I thought that Mayhem was the one thing my brother couldn’t take away from me. I thought Mayhem would always be the one thing I would have over him.”

A beat of uncomfortable silence. Then, Dongho’s cold voice. 

“It’s most important that we support Jaewon with everything he’s going through than hold this against him. We should be happy for Jaewon that he has this extra support, if anything.” 

Daehyun nodded enthusiastically. “Dongho’s right… Plus, hyung! Even if they’re dating, there’s no way anyone could  _ ever  _ ‘steal’ Mayhem from any of us. No matter who else we might befriend of fall in love with, Mayhem is a bond that no one could ever replicate, and that won’t change. We as a group and our dynamic won’t change because of this.” 

Minsoo looked up at their maknae with sad and hopeful eyes. He wished he could believe him. 

***

Jaewon didn’t return home that night. He shot a text to Dongho to let him know that he was staying over at Sa1nt’s dorm with Minsung for the night and not to wait up for him. Minsoo wanted to be hurt that Jaewon had texted Dongho and not him, but some part of him also understood. Instead, he tried to keep the others’ words in mind. He tried to be happy for Jaewon that he had found a place he could feel safe enough to share his most painful secrets. He tried to be thankful that his beloved groupmate had found love and happiness. 

He tried to ignore the inexplicable pain in his own heart. 

When Jaewon returned home the next morning, Minsoo was in the kitchen making some sad excuse of breakfast. He’d moved on from cooking eggs to pouring a cup of coffee, reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a second mug when he heard the front door open. He could practically feel Jaewon standing in the doorway, likely frozen with uncertainty. This was the first time they were seeing each other after Minsoo found out about the relationship, after all. 

Instead of saying anything, Minsoo poured a second cup of coffee. He turned around and handed it to Jaewon, a soft smile on his face. 

In that gesture, there was a moment of clarity between the two: a bridge, which was slowly being built over the chasm borne from pain that existed between the two. A bridge, which they would both slowly cross and meet in the middle, where everything would eventually be okay again. 

***

What Dae said the day of the news breaking had been wrong. Their group dynamic  _ had  _ changed once everything was said and done, but so did everything else in the four idols’ lives. For the next few weeks they were stuck in endless meetings, in constant debates about their contracts and comeback schedules as power shifted from person to person in the company. They discussed new management, publicity, damage control, and all of the likes. 

In such a short time, their worlds had changed completely. 

Maybe not all change was bad, though. Not as long as everyone was happy, and as long as they all had a light in the near future that they could look at and work together to approach. 

Jaewon slowly became more open with them about his feelings, and Mayhem’s positive reception and fan interaction increased to new heights. Minsoo got used to the idea of Minsung sometimes being around, and even if he wasn’t yet ready to attempt repairing their relationship, he could at least be happy for Jaewon who he cared so much about. Jaewon smiled more often and joined them on more group outings, which excited Daehyun and relieved the other two. And, maybe Minsoo’s favorite change- every Sunday, Dae and Minsoo would go out on another ice cream date, clinging to each other like a lifeline when everything else around them threatened to drown them. 

Yes- maybe not all change was terrible. The world would find a way to take the broken shards of their lives and piece it together into something new and beautiful. 


End file.
